Inventarium Morale - Sacramentum Poenitentiae et Reconciliationis

Amici, Americani, Compatriotae,

Today for the Fifth Sunday in Ordinary Time for which the Scripture reading are:

• False and True Worship: Isaiah 58:7-10
• Blessings of Righteousness: Psalm 112:4-9
• Proclaiming Christ Crucified: 1 Corinthians 2:1-5
• Salt and Light: Matthew 5:13-16

Fr. Kirby at Our Lady of Grace continued his dialog on the Seven Sacraments of the Catholic Church. Eastern Orthodox Churches who have a valid episcopate and priesthood, and valid sacraments, call these Holy Mysteries. This time Father focused on the Sacrament of Penance and Reconciliation, also called Confession. My apologies to the readership that I failed to take written notes and my memory cannot do Father's homily justice. It was orthodoxy par excellence. So I will give my personal experience below that Father's homily brought to the forefront of my mind.

As I mentioned in a previous post - Dies Festus Praesentationis Nostri Domini in Templo - this Sacrament holds a very special place in my heart because of the moral inventory steps in AA and similar 12 Step Programs:

• Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves
• Step 5: Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
• Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

Further, in today's Old Testament reading from Isaiah I was remind of some of my favorite defects of character (as we say in 12 step programs), "oppression, false accusation and malicious speech," and equally some of my favorite shortcomings, "failing to share and help others."

It was some 30 years ago when I first came into the AA Program that my sponsor had me write my 4th Step moral inventory - all these defect of character (the things I do which I ought not to do) and shortcomings (where I come short: the things I do not do that I ought to do). The inventory was some 33 pages long. Then we recited the Third Step Prayer before he had me read it to him in the 5th Step:

God, I offer myself to Thee To build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy love and Thy way of life.

After listening to my moral inventory, he told me that I was no Adolf Hitler - I don't rank that high in the scheme of evil - and that I was just a garden variety drunken dope fiend, a regular megalomaniac. Then he told me to read it to my psychotherapist and my priest confessor (who was his sponsor in AA). After receiving Absolution he said I could then burn the paper on which my moral inventory was written.

This practice of moral inventory which is continued in the 10th Step stood me well in sobriety. Indeed, Father Kirby said something in his homily with which my sponsor would have agreed. Any time I feel angry or resentful or bitter or jealous or emotionally out of sorts, it's time for a moral inventory. Father even said from the pulpit that that is when he goes to his confessor, and that he does not understand how one can be authentically Christian and not practice this Sacrament.

Early in 2007 (sober then for 21 years) I went through a very traumatic experience that turned my life upside down and wrenched my heart out of my chest. It was worse than heroin withdrawals. So I drove my car out of the driveway and my home and reached my hand in my pocket to grab my Rosary. I prayed to our Blessed Mother and turned down the road to go to my priest for Confession. He told me what any good priest would have told me who knows something about alcoholism and drug addiction: don't drink, go to meetings and talk with my sponsor.

You see, amici, it didn't matter if I was right in this emotional turmoil or not. In fact, my sponsor always reminded me that the 10th Step says, "Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it." It says nothing about when we are right. In fact, nothing is more irritating than a self-righteous alcoholic. The point is that I had done wrong and now I was reaping the consequences of that wrong and those consequences included a devastation turmoil which could not be avoided. If I had been practicing my moral inventory - or Confession - with true contrition all along, maybe the turmoil would not have happened or would not have been as bad. But suffice it to say that having gone directly to Confession, I did not drink or drug that evening.

What I have found in my years of sobriety is this: first, a moral inventory is a MORAL inventory. While this isn't AA, that means a thorough review based on the 10 Commandments (always a good place to start) which themselves are the epitome of all good morality.

After Mass I thanked Father for his timely homily, explaining to him how this Sacrament recalls the moral inventory of my early days in AA, and how if it were not for this Sacrament I would have died underneath a railroad bridge with a heroin needle in my veins long ago. Unfortunately, from time to time I need a crisis in my life to remind me that I am going off the beam and must avail myself of this Sacrament once again. For me, neglecting this practice means that hell can start right here and right now with a snort of cocaine, a drink of vodka, or a puff of marijuana; hell won't wait till I am dead. And frankly, I am not willing to go through that kind and degree of misery and pain tonight.

As Father Zuhlsdorf always says at his blog:

GO TO CONFESSION!